Double Standard

In the interests of full disclosure, this might not be the most popular writing I do.  That being said, there is definitely a double standard in the house in which I live.  Is it because I am a man married to a woman?  Is it because I am a stay at home dad with two part time jobs and my wife has a full time career job?  Is it because we have a blended family?  I don’t know, but a few events stick out to me.

In March of 2012, my wife went to a party at a friend’s house.  After putting the kids to bed, I sat down to watch a basketball game.  When my wife got home, she asked me why I was watching basketball without having done the dishes (a fair question) since she would have done the dishes if I had gone out that night.  What’s “funny” is that, at that point in time, I was singing in a choir and would more often than not come “home” to a sink full of dirty dishes.  I guess it was ok for her to leave a sink full of dirty dishes while she looked at Facebook but it wasn’t ok for me to leave a sink full of dirty dishes while I watched basketball.

On November 14, 2013 (our fourth anniversary), my wife attended a three hour choir rehearsal, went out with friends afterwards, and came home and went straight to bed.  On December 13, 2013 (the night of our then three year old son’s holiday program), my wife attended a three hour choir rehearsal, went out with friends afterwards, and came home and went straight to bed.  On November 14, 2014 (our fifth anniversary), my wife asked me to get out of all or part of a part time work shift.  On December 10, 2015, my wife got out of part of a three hour choir rehearsal to attend her then thirteen year daughter’s band concert.  On May 5, 2016, my wife got out of part of a three hour choir rehearsal to attend her then thirteen year old daughter’s band concert.  On Thursday, December 15, 2016 (the night of our then four year old’s holiday program), my wife attended a three hour choir rehearsal, went out with friends afterwards, and came home and went straight to bed.  I guess it was ok for her to make a three to five hour night of it on our anniversary but it wasn’t ok for me to work a three to five hour shift on our anniversary.  I guess her daughter’s performances trump choir but our son’s performances don’t trump choir.

My wife frequently points out that, after working an eight hour day, she often needs to do housework after she gets home (a fair point).  If I point out that, while frequently working Friday nights, Saturdays, and Sundays, I often need to do the same housework on weekends that she does on weeknights, I am reminded that five is greater than two.  I guess it’s a competition.

My wife frequently makes two or three different things for dinner for a family of five (different tastes for different kids).  If I offer to make two or three different things for dinner for a family of five, I am shot down with, “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.”

Am I right?  Am I wrong?  Nothing in particular set off this post – it has been five to seven years in the making.  I might write something unpopular tomorrow; I might not.  I might write something popular tomorrow; I might not.  Until then…

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